Weeelll. I haven't updated this in a while, I guess I should. Started Uni in...uuh...July? I forget.

Freshers week was awesome: 13 nights in a row of drunken depravity. I got lyringitus, which (while amusing) sucked, seeing as I couldn't talk, I could only squeak. That was an attractive 3 days. Headphone discos, pirate parties, neon theme nights (ahh, how I love neon), fake Malibu from Iceland (Palm Beach - it tastes a lot like bacon), sweaty foam parties in our bikinis - with minimal foam, freshers helpers (HAH), free crap that undoubtably I'll carry around for the rest of my life. I love tack. It was awesome.

The rest of the semester has been, well, pretty busy. I was elected onto the Queen Margaret Union's Board of Management (the QM is one of 2 student unions at Glasgow uni)...so that takes a lot of time. Its awesome though, I GET A T-SHIRT! We have to go 'on duty' a few times every 3 weeks which basically involves staying alive/awake/sober between 5pm and 4am. Fun times. We get to do other exciting things like mop up sick and kick underage people out. We get paid in drinks and meal vouchers though, so its all good. The people on the Board are amazing too. Man, I love you guys! Hahah, especially you, Mr.I-got-your-secret-santa-present-so-right-because-I-stalked-you

To be fair, it was an AWESOME present.

There have been many dramas, naturally. Oooh, how I could rant. But I won't. Some of them good, most of them pretty bad, haha! Fun times.

Why won't I rant on here?

Because if I wanted you to know, you already would.

I present to you: My Not-Quite-A-Week In Cornwall.

On the first night we went to a cocktail bar (I know, a frightening concept). I met some of Cat's friends. There was a long haired ginger man, with his front teeth missing clad entirely in leather. Luckily for me, he took a shine to me. Hurrah.

So anyway, we got take-out-beer and went back to Cat's shared house thing. Nat (the toothless ginger) decided to challenge me to a fight on our way up - after discovering I'm a kickboxer. It ended with us both on the ground, me biting his arm and him trying to choke me (why do people keep trying to choke me!). We got back to Cats, I discovered I can open beer bottles with my teeth. Its since been pointed out to me that its likely that everyone can do that, only most people arn't stupid enough to try it.

Next depraved act: The Crack Whore Incident.

Cat was working all day, so her friends invited me out for drinks with them. It started out harmlessly enough...I'd met them all before (all except Holly, that is). Holly's boyfriend had met me the night before at Cat's and drank all my Malibu, the bastard. Anyway, we had lots of drinks and she did lots of coke off the toilet seat. Later, when Cat arrived we went to some random Polish woman's house and for some harmless reason, I slapped Holly's boyfriends ass. He had been taking it out the night before, and blatently didn't have a problem with people seeing it or whatever...anyway, he went and sat down and I heard her say "IF SHE FOOKIN TOUCHES YOUR ARSE AGAIN I'LL FOOKIN KILL HER"...she kept saying that over and over so I suggested to Cat that we leave...I got upset again in the Kitchen because I didn't want to fuck up things for Cat with her friends, seeing as I'd obviously caused trouble already. Anyway, we went back to Cats...the creepy part is - Holly followed me all the way back, to make sure I left! AAH! CREEPY!

Even I wouldn't do that, and I'm a hardened stalker.

Anyways, I had fun, even if I did disrupt everything. Whoop!

In other news, I went to see the Foo Fighters and the Chili Peppers with my brother last week - that makes me automatically better than most of you. Except you.

(Note for L, my favourite stalker: Yes, this is pretty much the same message I sent you on facebook and no, I couldn't be bothered writing it all out again in a different way. Message me back, bitch.)

I had a feeling, you know the kind - inexplicable dread for no apparent reason that happens sometimes.

So, I get on the train to Edinburgh, intrigued in a Poirot kind of way - as to what this weird fear would turn out to be. I wondered if it was the old man who sat next to me, smelling strongly of fry-ups and newspaper, while his friend winked and elbowed him. But no, alas...that wasn't it. I text him "I'll be there in a hour!"..he doesn't reply. "How RUDE" I think to myself, but I rise above it. I get there. I sit on a rail of impossibly uncomfortable dimentions for half an hour. A small, ginger child stamps on my foot and runs off. Then I get a text from a random number...

You bastard! You complete and utter CUNT FLAP! Slimey, inconsiderate, sneaky prat. He told me he'd run out of credit. He said "I hate to have to say this buuut..." and told me how he'd been guilted into "working in the morning" and he was "really, reallllllyy sooorrryyy x". Aaah, whatever. You're posessive, insecure girlfriend found out you were meeting me, and made herself all too available for the same date. Why bother lying, dickwad? I always find out! I'm a master criminal and/or stalker. Idiot. Why not fucking borrow someones phone yesterday and lie then! BEFORE I paid the fare and sat next to a smelly old man for an hour?

He's had his chance. I no longer care about his tragic tales about how all his high school friends turned out to be cunts (yeah, I could have told you that for free). Go find some other mug to complain to. Good luck with your girlfriend, lord knows you'll need it. Someone that insecure should really just give up now, and go live somewhere dark.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a crap bus conductor. I hope you get fired.

That, my friends, is not all. Later that day, I met with a friend..and as we walked down the street in search of The Brass Monkey - my favourite pub in the world (where later I was to regret my choice of no food all day plus copious wine, gin and other assorted beveridges) a bird CRAPPED ON MY HEAD. What a bastard.

(Obviously, this bird was sent by P, therefore the bastard is P, and not the bird - who was merely an easily influenced third party in the matter).

My mum said to me on the phone that I should really go and buy a lottery ticket, because its "incredible good luck". I suspect if I had it would have been a winning one, but some winged creature (probably a bat) would have swooped down and devoured it, taking a little bit of my soul as it flapped away into the night.

Pow

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I can't believe how wrong people are about how much tattoos hurt. Wimps.

I love the new club mix of Sexual Healing. Don't get me wrong, Marvin Gaye's rumbling bass tones do it for me too, but so does this. Judge me if you will, heathens. But I think its great, so there.
Anyway, talking of sexual healing, results on monday. When a nurse recoils in horror, you know it can't be good.

Something exciting has occured. I have a new stalker. It all started when said person accused me of stalking him so I stalked him to find out why he thought I was stalking him so he stalked me back and it blossomed from there, like a gloriously creepy rose. Thats right, cool-name-guy, this is your official shoutout. You're a stalker taking an interest, you're bound to read this.
I feel its the beginning of a beautiful stalkership.

I'm pretty sure I'm secretly a masochist. I've had so many piercings in the past (including one by someone I know from my travels in Costa Rica where he shoved a safety pin through my ear - at my request naturally. Needless to say it got infected and had to go *sigh*).
Just made my Tattoo appointment for wednesday - Its a consultation so they can see what my design looks like, how much it'll be and how long it'll take, but hopefully I'll be able to get it done the same day. Mwahaha. Can't wait. I just know its going to become an addiction and I'll get millions...ALL OVER MY FACE. Only not.

A song which you should all download: "In the morning" by Junior Boys. Do it.